Five Things Colonel Steven Caldwell Regrets
by stella-pegasi
Summary: Colonel Steven Caldwell reflects on regrets in his life.


**Title:** **Five Things Colonel Steven Caldwell Regrets**

**Author**: _stella_pegasi_

**Rating: **K

**Genres: **Angst, hurt/comfort, humor, friendship, a bit of whump.

**Word Count: **1996

**Spoilers: **The Siege III, The Intruder

**Warnings:** Allude to major character cannon death. There is Sheppard whump…I promise!

**Characters:** Steven Caldwell

**Summary:** Colonel Steven Caldwell reflects on regrets in his life.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own them; I would have treated them better.

**Author's Notes:** Written for the sga_lfws Challenge LFWS #4 Round 5 Five Things…(LiveJournal). There was a 2000 word count limit. Real life sort of got in the way, and the com didn't release the stories from the challenge until today. I was writing Hero Defined a couple of months ago when this challenge was issued, and I had Caldwell on the brain. You can considered this a sort of prelude to Hero Defined. Hope you enjoy.

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Five Things Colonel Steven Caldwell Regrets

_by stella_pegasi _

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1. Challenging Dr. Elizabeth Weir

He still expected to hear the slightly sarcastic voice of Dr. Elizabeth Weir welcoming the Daedalus to Atlantis. Sarcastic or not, he missed that voice. Colonel Steven Caldwell missed Elizabeth Weir in ways he hadn't expected.

Their initial meeting was encouraging. He was a hero. He had plucked Major John Sheppard out of a jumper seconds before Sheppard was to blow himself and a Wraith cruiser to hell with a nuclear bomb. When he was finally able to land the Daedalus, she asked to meet with him privately. The only item on her agenda was thanking him for saving Sheppard's life. She had been gracious, and genuine in her thanks; it was after their return to Earth when the sarcasm crept into her voice.

He had heard the rumors circling the SGC about Weir and Sheppard. He refused to believe them, certain that Weir would avoid playing games. Sheppard? He considered Sheppard a loser, capable of anything just to get ahead. The Air Force brass, livid about Colonel Sumner's death, preferred someone besides a major, a major screw-up, command the valuable base. They tried; they challenged Weir on replacing Sheppard as Atlantis military commander. She taught them a lesson in power. She had more than they did.

From that meeting on, Elizabeth was wary of him, and their dealings were often testy. When he assumed command for Lt. Col. Sheppard on a few, rare occasions, she was defensive of Sheppard. Those were times when he wondered if there was a relationship between Sheppard and Weir. Caldwell had hoped not; he had begun to have feelings for her. He had been wondering how to start over with her when the word came that the Apollo had located Atlantis, and he learned Elizabeth's fate.

He wondered if she would have ever grown to like him. Immersed in his desire for command, he had allowed that possibility to slip his grasp. With her gone, he regretted he would never know.

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2. Underestimating Ronon Dex

Colonel Caldwell had been unable to sleep. Wandering to the mess hall, he found Ronon Dex, coffee in hand, immersed in a book. SGA-1 was onboard the Daedalus, en route to a gateless planet where, on a previous survey, sensors had detected an energy reading.

He was surprised, he had only thought of Dex as Sheppard's body guard; a large, powerful warrior with little imagination. Ronon was definitely powerful; he could take on a good sized man with a Goa'uld inside him. Caldwell knew that from personal experience. He had simply never considered Ronon as a thinker.

He sat down across from Dex, and inquired about the book. Ronon slid the book toward him; the title was Warriors of History. He told Caldwell that Sheppard had given it to him. They spoke well into the early morning about Earth; its history and culture, its wars, even discovering they shared a love of art.

He and Ronon often spend time talking when the Daedalus visits Atlantis. What he thought an unlikely friend, developed into an interesting friendship. Caldwell wondered with regret, how many other friendships he had missed by being reluctant to reach out to people. At least, with Ronon, there were no regrets. He was a friend.

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3. Ignoring Rodney McKay

Colonel Caldwell preferred Rodney McKay be anywhere, but onboard the Daedalus as they conducted war games with the Apollo. He imagined Carter or Sheppard had determined he would entertain McKay. Colonel Abraham Ellis was not exactly McKay's biggest fan. McKay and Major Lorne were onboard the Daedalus, Sheppard and Zelenka, the Apollo, as observers. Caldwell only wanted McKay to remain quiet.

The war game scenarios had been loaded into the ships' computers before they left Earth. Currently, both vessels had won two games each. As the final, and most difficult, game got underway, McKay attempted to get Caldwell's attention, but the colonel ignored him. The more Rodney tried, the more Caldwell ignored him.

Executing some tricky maneuvers, the Daedalus gained the upper hand on the Apollo. Until the Daedalus' systems began to shut down; cascading across the ship. Barking out orders to his crew to get systems back online, Caldwell missed the slight smiles passing between McKay and Lorne.

As he conceded defeat, the crew could hear Ellis congratulating Sheppard and Zelenka on a brilliant plan. Caldwell was livid; neither colonel would ever allow him to forget this. As he fumed, McKay, nonchalantly, handed him a piece of paper.

Caldwell looked at the note, which contained a series of numbers. He asked McKay what the numbers were. McKay's response burned into his memory for eternity.

"This is the access code for the Apollo's main computer. I know how Sheppard thinks; I anticipated he would suggest using Zelenka's computer skills to hack the Daedalus' computers. I hacked into the Apollo's system last night, retrieving their code. If you hadn't ignored me, you could have shut Ellis' systems down first. Sorry, colonel, you lose."

Ignoring McKay was a regret he would carry for a very long time.

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4. Misjudging the Atlantis Military and Scientists

He committed a foolish mistake.

When John Sheppard assumed command of Atlantis, there was an undercurrent of distrust for the man within the ranks. Sheppard had displayed enormous raw courage and loyalty during the Wraith siege. Still, the men and women of the Atlantis' military didn't trust John Sheppard. At least, that was the impression Colonel Caldwell preferred.

Months later, the Daedalus arrived on Atlantis during a crisis; two SGA teams had been ambushed off-world. Sheppard's team had mounted a rescue, and they were now under assault. At Dr. Weir's request, Caldwell consented to lead a team of SO's to assist. Prior to gating off-world, he gathered the squad for a briefing, ending with, 'Let's go and clean up Sheppard's mess.'

They walked directly into a firefight. Caldwell saw Sheppard running toward a fallen Marine. Sheppard grabbed the Marine, pulled him to his feet, supporting him as they ran toward the gate. The duo had nearly reached them, when Sheppard's body jerked; he staggered, almost falling, but remained on his feet. Propelling the injured Marine the last few feet, Sheppard spun around to lay cover fire for the stragglers. When he and Sheppard were the only two left, they fled through the gate.

The gate room was congested; Caldwell noticed McKay frantically scanning the room. Hearing McKay anxiously shout Sheppard's name, Caldwell turned to see the pallid colonel slump to the floor.

Both men rushed to Sheppard, McKay shouting for Keller. As the medics materialized, Caldwell stood back, conscious that the room had gone deathly quiet. All eyes, teeming with concern, fixated on John Sheppard. Caldwell was baffled; these people did appear to care about the colonel.

Anxiety consumed Atlantis for the next thirty-six hours. Sheppard was gravely injured; the bullet entering his back had punctured a lung, along with other serious damage. Caldwell stood silently, in the infirmary watching airmen, Marines, and scientists keeping vigil for Sheppard. Sheppard's teammates remained at his bedside. These were not the actions of military personnel who distrusted and disliked their commander.

Oo-rahs and yells of relief reverberated across Atlantis when Keller announced Sheppard would survive. Caldwell was relieved. As he left the infirmary, McKay, and Major Lorne, along with Captain Waters, a member of the team he led, approached him. Lorne spoke.

"Colonel, with all due respect, sir; we believe that you are under the impression that Colonel Sheppard does not hold the respect of the members of this expedition. You are wrong. We respect, admire, and like the colonel. He is one of us, treats us as equals, not afraid to do anything he asks us to do. He cares about us; would give his life for us, as we would for him. You are very wrong about Colonel Sheppard, sir."

Caldwell made a foolish mistake, which he regretted. The loss of respect was for him.

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5. Distrusting Lt. Colonel John Sheppard

It was no secret, he neither trusted, nor liked John Sheppard from the beginning. He had been open about his desire to command Atlantis' military, and that he considered Sheppard incompetent. He reveled in the fact that Sheppard loathed him, but was powerless to do anything about it. Rank does have its privileges.

As the years passed, Caldwell had begrudgingly admitted, to himself, he might have been wrong about Sheppard. Too many times, Sheppard had proven to be much more than the insolent officer, who spurned chain of command.

That fact became extremely apparent during a test of an upgraded Asgard beam weapon. Doctors Rodney McKay and Radek Zelenka uncovered information in the Ancient database of a similar, but more sophisticated version. One considerably more complicated.

Zelenka's team had been working on adapting the design to ramp up the beam for nearly two years. When Atlantis returned from Earth, they had time to devote to refitting and testing the weapon. However, the Atlantis scientists were skeptical that their weapon adaptation was ready to test. The Air Force and the IOA were convinced.

The Daedalus traveled to an isolated, asteroid field for the initial tests. McKay, Zelenka, and their teams were becoming testy, and Caldwell was becoming very impatient. He was unhappy about being a guinea pig for the IOA, who was putting enormous pressure on the Air Force. He was even more unhappy that General Landry had insisted that Colonel Sheppard be onboard, to 'handle' Dr. McKay. Caldwell was certain he could 'handle' McKay all by himself.

After hours of delays, Caldwell ordered McKay to power the weapon. McKay argued for more time to confirm the calibrations were correct; if not, the beam emitter could overload, and Daedalus would vaporize. He suggested McKay get it right the first time.

During the run up to the test, Sheppard remained in the background. As McKay grew more agitated, Caldwell noted Sheppard became visible. He kept watch on them as Sheppard conversed with McKay.

Caldwell ordered the test, and reluctantly, McKay began. Watching the gauges with caution, everything looked within parameters to Caldwell. Until, Zelenka uttered an 'oh, no'; the power was building up faster than they anticipated. Within a matter of minutes, McKay told Major Marks who was operating the weapon to shut it down. Caldwell countered the order.

"You are not shutting down this test."

"If we don't, this ship is toast."

Glaring at each other, Caldwell ordered Marks not to stop the test.

McKay turned to Sheppard, who asked, "Rodney is this safe?" Rodney shook his head no.

Sheppard turned to Caldwell, but before he could speak, Zelenka and Marks both reported the emitter power nearing critical.

Sheppard voice was quiet, "Colonel, you're wrong to continue this test, for all the wrong reasons. Order the test stopped, or I will stop it myself."

Caldwell stared at Sheppard, then spoke. "Shut it down, Marks. McKay, tell me when you are ready to proceed. Lieutenant Baxter, take us to back to the space gate, so we can report."

As they reported to the SGC/IOA who were reviewing failed test data, Caldwell was about to mention the disagreement. Sheppard interrupted, telling the committee, "Dr. McKay was, as usual, a bit overzealous. Colonel Caldwell had everything under control, halting the test within safety parameters."

The committee seemed pleased, and ordered the testing to proceed. Caldwell was confused; he pulled Sheppard aside.

"Why did you tell them that?"

Sheppard sighed, "The brass and suits expect McKay to overreach; they don't expect that of you. We're out here, colonel; they aren't. They need to have confidence in us so that they will leave us to do our job. Without confidence, they'll meddle without understanding that, away from the confines of Earth, the rules change. If we watch each other's back, we can get the job done."

As he walked away, Caldwell was dumbfounded. John Sheppard just taught him a lesson in teamwork. He was starting to regret not trusting this man sooner.

_Fin_

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Thanks for taking the time to read this story. I appreciate it, and would love to hear what you thought. It only takes a couple more seconds! Thanks!,


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